and Karol...
(wish that the sand on Texas beaches was that pretty)
Feeling a little overwhelmed these days...emotionally anyway. My thoughts dwell on the accident and on how unfair it all seems. That such a beloved child could be taken away from parents who have always done everything in their power to keep him safe...to love him...to cherish him. It is simplistic rationale and I know that it isn't even rational. It doesn't seem to make it any easier. I don't even know why I have such a hard time trusting God and the fact that He has a plan. Knowing the truth that He alone allowed Mark to leave this earth...not 10 adults who were distracted for a couple of minutes.
Maybe I want to punish myself? Feel that it is all my fault because someone has to pay for this. This wasn't hurt feelings or losing a job or breaking a leg...this was my son's LIFE here on this earth...there is no bringing him back.
Obviously, I still have a long way to go. One day at a time. Maybe by the time I get to the point that I have forgiven myself...I will be holding him again.
Here is a picture that was taken a few weeks before he died. I had just returned from a mission trip to Nicaragua and brought him the cutest little baseball shirt. He was pretty tired here...we were at a bowling alley for a Sunday School party. Macy is sleeping on my shoulder and he was content to lay there on my lap.
.JPG)
Oh Mark, I miss you.
.JPG)
Every day I come here and look into his eyes and miss him with you, Angie.
ReplyDeleteWhy this gives me strength to go on, I really don't know how to explain. Probably because it makes me all the more sure that Heaven is our hope, and that I really, truly will meet Mark there. You will be there, too. I can't wait.
I still don't know how to get through the now, but pressing on towards the "then" is the only way I've found.
I loved your email and am going to write you soon. You do my heart so much good.
Missing Mark so much & it hurts. How very well you know.
Cathy in Missouri
"If Christ hadn't lived and died, there really would be no escape. To weep at all would be utterly futile. I should have to run full tilt at the nearest wall and smash my skull in. But not as things are."
Hans Scholl
On the Russian Front; August 28, 1942
(Hans Scholl and his sister Sophie were martyred by the Nazis in February 1943. They held fast to their faith in Christ all the way to their deaths. I can't wait to meet them in Heaven, either!)