reminds me of when Mark was a baby.
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I love her.
I love him.
I miss him.
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A Spacious Place
3 years ago
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Thank you Abigail!!!
Thank you to the wonderfully sweet, beautiful and talented Abigail Kraft for giving me such an awesome blog makeover!! I absolutely love it! Please visit her website here. She not only does web design, but she is also an incredible artist as well.
Abigail is a member of the Kraft Family...please meet this truly amazing family here. This precious bunch has lived through the loss of three children, and yet, they give God the glory for all that they have and all that they have been through. Mother, Lynnette, has written a book titled, "In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me", and I have read it three times! Each time, I am comforted by the words of this loving, Godly woman who not only survived such tragedy, but is living a life filled with joy and happiness with her husband and surviving children. I encourage everyone to read this book, even if you have never suffered a great loss...you will gain new perspective on the pain that comes from losing a child.
Again, thank you Abigail!
Abigail is a member of the Kraft Family...please meet this truly amazing family here. This precious bunch has lived through the loss of three children, and yet, they give God the glory for all that they have and all that they have been through. Mother, Lynnette, has written a book titled, "In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me", and I have read it three times! Each time, I am comforted by the words of this loving, Godly woman who not only survived such tragedy, but is living a life filled with joy and happiness with her husband and surviving children. I encourage everyone to read this book, even if you have never suffered a great loss...you will gain new perspective on the pain that comes from losing a child.
Again, thank you Abigail!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Happy Anniversary
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Meet my husband Joe...my best friend and the love of my life. Today, we have been married for 12 wonderful years.
We have know each other since high school, but we weren't good friends until college. Once we started to date, I knew that he was the one for me! And, as much as I have ever heard God literally speak to me...it was when He told me that Joe was the one I would marry. In fact, I knew that I was going to marry Joe long before he knew that I was to be his wife! (I find that so funny!) Of course, he figured it out soon enough and we were married in 1997...the year that Joe graduated from college and began teaching elementary music.
Joe is the best daddy! The girls adore him, as did Mark. I always say that he is the "fun" parent of the two of us. Mostly, you will find him wrestling with the kids, teaching them an instrument of some kind, cooking with them making them laugh all of the time! He sometimes acts just like one of the kids!
The first 10 1/2 years of our lives together were almost straight from a fairy tale. It isn't that we didn't have our problems, but the days were full of love and joy with each other, our children and life in general. Mark's death certainly changed our marriage forever. I need Joe now more than ever and I wouldn't have made it this far without him. Sharing this bitter sorrow and the loving memories of our only son has brought us closer than I thought was possible. I am thankful to have this deeper relationship, but sorry for the price tag that came with it.
My husband is far from perfect...as am I, but he is perfect for me. I look forward to as many more years as God will give us together...loving each other, our girls and longing to see Mark again at the end of this journey.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
If only...
Dear Mark,
If only I could catch a glimpse of you in Heaven right now and see how happy you are...playing with other children, walking with Jesus, smiling and laughing even more sweetly than you did here - maybe I wouldn't be so filled with grief.
If only I could wrap my arms around you and kiss your chubby little cheek again...if only I could walk with you and hold your precious hand in mine -then I might not cry every day.
If only I could hear you say "Mama" again when you needed me and rock you to sleep while you snuggled your green blanket - maybe my heart wouldn't feel so broken.
If only you could be here to hold your new baby sister...to be a little brother and a big brother to all of these girls - then I wouldn't have to try to explain to them why you were taken from us and assure them that we will be okay even when I don't believe it.
If only you were here to run to the yard gate and hold it open for us like a little gentleman each time we came home - I wouldn't stop each time I walked through it and picture you standing there with that big grin on your face.
If only I could see you in your daddy's arms again...where you almost always were - then I wouldn't have to see your daddy cry when he looks at your picture or thinks about how much he misses you.
If only you were here to color on the walls and the couch with any crayon or pen that you could find...to throw things away in the trash can that shouldn't have been thrown away (i.e. remote controls and rented movies!) - I wouldn't even be upset. I now cherish the picture that you drew on Maryanna's door with a bright red marker and I hope it stays there forever.
If only you were here, I would be thinking of all of the great little boy toys that I could buy you for Christmas this year instead of welling up with sorrow each time I see toys or clothes that would be just perfect for you.
If only you could just be here for the holidays to celebrate with us...to eat turkey and mashed potatos and all of the pie that you wanted - I wouldn't have to stare at the empty place where you should be and quietly grieve in my heart while everyone else is smiling.
If only God would have allowed you to stay here with us longer than two years - we could have seen you grow into a fine young man, go to college, get married, have children of your own and enjoy your company for many years to come until Daddy and I left the earth BEFORE you...the way that it should be.
I know that none of this will be...but it helps me to imagine it. I know that this world holds nothing for you anymore. I pray that Heaven is everything that I imagine it to be and that your sweet soul is more alive now that it ever was here with us...I want to picture you there instead of your tiny body lying in the grave. It is such torture for me to be separated from your cuddly self.
Our hearts break each day that we live here without you...we are still reminded of you in everything that we do. Fifteen months has been too long to not have you in our arms or hear your voice. It isn't any easier now than it was when you left. I long for this life to pass in the blink of an eye so that we can all be together again forever.
I love you, love you, love you...my sweet baby boy.
Love,
Mommy
If only I could catch a glimpse of you in Heaven right now and see how happy you are...playing with other children, walking with Jesus, smiling and laughing even more sweetly than you did here - maybe I wouldn't be so filled with grief.
If only I could wrap my arms around you and kiss your chubby little cheek again...if only I could walk with you and hold your precious hand in mine -then I might not cry every day.
If only I could hear you say "Mama" again when you needed me and rock you to sleep while you snuggled your green blanket - maybe my heart wouldn't feel so broken.
If only you could be here to hold your new baby sister...to be a little brother and a big brother to all of these girls - then I wouldn't have to try to explain to them why you were taken from us and assure them that we will be okay even when I don't believe it.
If only you were here to run to the yard gate and hold it open for us like a little gentleman each time we came home - I wouldn't stop each time I walked through it and picture you standing there with that big grin on your face.
If only I could see you in your daddy's arms again...where you almost always were - then I wouldn't have to see your daddy cry when he looks at your picture or thinks about how much he misses you.
If only you were here to color on the walls and the couch with any crayon or pen that you could find...to throw things away in the trash can that shouldn't have been thrown away (i.e. remote controls and rented movies!) - I wouldn't even be upset. I now cherish the picture that you drew on Maryanna's door with a bright red marker and I hope it stays there forever.
If only you were here, I would be thinking of all of the great little boy toys that I could buy you for Christmas this year instead of welling up with sorrow each time I see toys or clothes that would be just perfect for you.
If only you could just be here for the holidays to celebrate with us...to eat turkey and mashed potatos and all of the pie that you wanted - I wouldn't have to stare at the empty place where you should be and quietly grieve in my heart while everyone else is smiling.
If only God would have allowed you to stay here with us longer than two years - we could have seen you grow into a fine young man, go to college, get married, have children of your own and enjoy your company for many years to come until Daddy and I left the earth BEFORE you...the way that it should be.
I know that none of this will be...but it helps me to imagine it. I know that this world holds nothing for you anymore. I pray that Heaven is everything that I imagine it to be and that your sweet soul is more alive now that it ever was here with us...I want to picture you there instead of your tiny body lying in the grave. It is such torture for me to be separated from your cuddly self.
Our hearts break each day that we live here without you...we are still reminded of you in everything that we do. Fifteen months has been too long to not have you in our arms or hear your voice. It isn't any easier now than it was when you left. I long for this life to pass in the blink of an eye so that we can all be together again forever.
I love you, love you, love you...my sweet baby boy.
Love,
Mommy
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