Here I am, relieved to have gotten through the anniversary of Mark's death. It definitely isn't any easier a year later, just different. There is no "moving on" or "getting through" all of the pain...only missing Mark. Time will forever be frozen for us even though the rest of the world marches on and we too have to live out the rest of our lives here. But, oh, the promise of heaven. When I can focus on the reality of spending eternity with our Savior and with Mark, peace washes over my soul.
Every part of me has suffered for a year and my spiritual being is no exception. It is glaringly obvious to me now where I need to grow in Christ...re-learn and re-believe so many truths that I never would have doubted until now. Hard to admit and even harder to know where to begin when you feel like you are starting all over.
What I do know is that I treasure the following verses:
From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve.
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
And so, that is where I am. Who else can I turn to but to God? Who else can give me the promise of eternal life and the assurance that my Mark is more alive than he ever was here with us? Only God. Only through the blood of Jesus Christ.
No matter how badly I feel on any given day, I choose to believe all that the Bible says. I don't understand it all, but I don't think that God expects us to.
I want to leave you with a list of many links to the blog sites that have helped me so much this past year. Most of these blogs are written by parents who have lost a child. They have been a lifeline to my sanity in more ways than one. Grief is a lonely place...especially when you can't personally talk to someone who has been almost in the same place as you are.
Through these blogs, I can feel a bit more "normal"...whatever that is...even if it is just for a short time. I see that I am not the only one who is suffering through the loss of a child. In everyday life, I feel pretty isolated in my sadness; that nobody understands what it is really like to be in my shoes. And I suppose most people don't, and that really is a good thing. But, reading the thoughts and feelings of someone who has or is in a similar situation brings comfort.
That being said, I also want to say that I cherish each and every one that I do know who takes the time to listen, even when it makes them uncomfortable and they have no idea what to say. It means so much to know that people care and they are hurting with us as much as someone can who hasn't been through it.
So, if you have time, check out these blogs and pray for these parents as well as for us.
Looking up in the downpour- http://www.lookingupinthedownpour.blogspot.com/
Tidbits of a journey... - http://www.michellezieg.blogspot.com/
Todd Stocker's Weblog - http://toddstocker.wordpress.com/
Sumi's Corner - http://sumijoti.wordpress.com/
Larger than Life - http://www.largerthanlife-masonnance.blogspot.com/
Nitty. Gritty. - http://www.jodyferlaak.blogspot.com/
Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground - http://www.lynnettekraft.blogspot.com/
My Charming Kids - http://www.mycharmingkids.net/
Missing my son,
1 week ago