There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Happy 4th Birthday

Happy Birthday my sweet Mark.

I would love to see your precious 4 year old face coming around the corner this morning...greeting me with a grin. You were such a happy guy when you woke up. If you were here, I would give you the biggest birthday hug and kiss and fix you your favorite breakfast.

It was difficult to get out of bed, knowing that there will be no birthday party to go to and no cake to eat. No presents and no pictures of you opening them.

Instead, we will go to your grave. We know you aren't really there, but it is as close as we can get to you...the son and brother that we love so much. Your flowers are fading and so I bought you new again. It won't bring us any peace, but nothing really does. We just want you back.

There are no words to describe the hurt that we still feel. The pain isn't any less that it was the day you left...just different. I ache for you with every breath. I wait for the day that I can hold you again. Until then...I love you...Happy Birthday.


  1. Oh Angie,
    Such a painful day. I'm missing Laynee so much today too, for different reasons. Praying for you. You are strong. You are loved. Thank you for loving Mark so much. It's because we loved like crazy that we hurt like crazy.

    I have a couple name gallery Pics for you that I took on the Oregon Coast. Hopefully I can find time to send them once the wedding is over.

    Loving Laynee and Missing Mark.....with everything in me.

  2. I hope he has a heavenly birthday today. I am so sorry for the pain and loss. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))

  3. I like that, Happy Heavenly Birthday Mark! Praying for you and your family today especially. May God bless you and cradle you in his loving arms today.

  4. Missing sweet Mark on his birthday.

    Loves from Turkey,


  5. Happy Birthday sweet boy!!!!

    Sending my love to all of you!!!


  6. Just "met" you today through another friend's blog - someone else who is going through the horror of losing their child.

    Read this in "Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World":

    "There is still one other aspect of loneliness that I think we have to be honest about: There are some situations in which nothing will ever assuage or eradicate our loneliness. There is the loneliness that can never be filled when someone loses a child. To pretend it is otherwise is to trivialize the loss. Such a profound ripping of bonds of connection and love can only be integrated into the whole picture of one’s life. It can never be compensated for or amended in any way."

    I know your confidence (and mine) is in Jesus Christ and that you and Mark will be reunited FOREVER - and also that the torture you are enduring now cannot be put into words. I am so, so sorry that you lost your precious son. Words are not enough.

    Father, make a way where there is no way.

    Cathy in Missouri

  7. Thinking of you Angie...

    There are no words on days like this.

  8. I have a picture of Mark's name that I wanted to send you. Can you email me at


  9. Angie...
    I am so sorry that you are so sad. I know how much you miss him, his smiling face and all those great moments we both know you would have lived with him.
    We are approaching Natalie's 4th birthday next month...the anxiety is already hitting. I am praying for you, for peace and for comfort.
    In Him,

  10. (I asked your friend "Loving Laynee" this same question - sorry to repeat, but I really wanted to ask you, also.)

    How do you deal with all the people who want to "fix" it for you? As if death can be fixed....

    Sometimes their need to have it "fixed" feels more like they want to act like nothing has happened. Or, if it did happen, that somehow it should be "over."

    They mean well and just want to make things "feel better," but that rings so false when nothing can ever be the same again.

    This is hardest for me as a Christian dealing with other Christians. I have been amazed at how many seem to think that longing for Heaven is a sign of weakness or lack of faith. They want me to feel better NOW.

    In Heaven, I *will* feel better. I don't mean there isn't any joy on earth now, but there will always be deep sorrow, too. Jesus certainly knows what we're talking about when we say that. I know He longs for the final, great Reunion Day!

    If you ever feel like writing a post about these kinds of things, I'd be helped by your perspective, I'm sure.

    My daughter asked about your Mark and I told her all about him. The way you miss him has to be far beyond any words. I am so, so sorry - and that doesn't do anything to make it easier for you, I know.

    Thanks for writing -

    Cathy in Missouri