There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

You are My Sunshine

Here is my "sunshine" standing in the sunshine.

This picture was taken on Easter of last year. I will let you all know that I have so many more recent pictures of Mark...especially from last summer, but they are so hard to look at that I can't bring myself to post them quite yet.

"You are My Sunshine", is a song that I have been singing to my children from the time that they were born...most especially when they were very small and I rocked them. Macy still likes for me to sing it to her almost every night, although, I have a difficult time getting through it without crying.

As Mark grew to be a toddler, he didn't want to be rocked to sleep much, even though I tried almost every night. I just loved the cuddle time and I knew how fast they grow up. I was still singing this song to him last year, on the rare occasion that he would let me rock him.

Almost every song has a different meaning after someone you love has died. I used to love this song because it told my children how important they are to me. Now, while that is still true, the words mean more than they ever did.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you,
Please don't take my sunshine away.

The other night, dear, while I lay sleeping,
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken,
And I hung my head and cried.

Every night, when I dream about Mark and about holding him in my arms...I miss him.


  1. Angie, You are right about the meaning of a song being so different. I have sang 'You Are My Sunshine' to all of my grandbabies for nearly 17 yrs. now. I especially learned this singing it to our 9 day old granddaughter while she was in ICU and how broken hearted I felt at the time.
    I am so thankful that you are sharing your story with so many. I know that God is going to use y'alls story in a mighty way. Y'all have already touched so many lives. I am reading a book right now, 'How To Handle Adversity' by Charles Stanley. There is a story of parents dealing with a situation and because of the way they handled it 30 of the hospital's staff where their child was born were saved.
    We are praying for your sweet family and for your journey that God has designed for you.
    Love and Prayers!

  2. Thank you so much for visiting my blog and writing.. I wish I had more time to read and say more but I will visit again. I would never in a thousand years wish this journey on anyone... but it is comforting at moments to know that we are not alone and "normalizes" what has taken place. I am so sorry for your loss and as you said can relate in so many ways to the emotions, and daily struggles. I look forward to reading more and keeping in touch. You will be in my prayers (: God Bless

  3. Paytie and I read you last blog and just cried and cried. Songs have such a way of touching us, I see myself in so many of the songs I hear on Klove too but for me it just reminds me that without God's grace I would be so hopeless and hell bound!

    I wanted to share with you an email that Payton's step mom Dana sent me after reading your blog. I read it 4 times because I really got more out of it each time I read it. I will cut and paste it to you here in a second.

    I have to say that it is very awesome to see all the lives MARKY'S LIFE touched, even those that never met him!
    "I don't understand! I guess we are not suppose to. It's too hard for me to read the whole thing. I still have his picture in my cabinet where I get my coffee cup every morning. I didn't know him but I miss him and I can't even imagine Joe and Angie's pain. As much as it hurts me, and I was no one to him. I look at him and I see the boys when they were that little and Cameron now. I can't imagine life without them. It's not that I don't believe or have faith or trust, it's the human feeling of the worst pain in the world....losing a child.


    Angie, Mark touched so many lives and that is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

    I love you Angie! Rosie Miner